When an athlete works to build strength, small tears in the muscles result from the strain. As these heal, the muscles become larger and stronger.
Clark Aldrich, an expert in the design of simulation-based learning, deliberately designs “frustration cycles” into his courses. Participants encounter challenges they can’t immediately resolve, but by working their way through them, they learn and are ready to take on greater challenges.
In my own work helping people understand and strengthen their resilience, most of the truly resilient people I’ve met have not gotten there without some scars. They have been in situations that have stretched them to the limit, but have worked their way through the frustration and come out stronger on the other side. Last week I was at a conference and gathered with a group of other women leaders. As we all told our stories, it became clear that some of the most radiant people in the room were those who had survived abusive relationships, cancer, and other challenges and had used the adversity as a catalyst for growing into strong, loving people who enjoy nothing more than helping others develop their own capabilities.
So does this mean that to become more resilient we need to deliberately put ourselves into challenging situations? Yes, I think it does. This could mean taking on an assignment that feels like a stretch, journeying to someplace unfamiliar, engaging in a new activity that will take us out of the familiar, or any of a million other things that call for us to voluntarily engage in change. As we encounter challenges, we may feel scared, angry, or frustrated. Just as our physical muscles ache when we exercise hard, our emotional muscles ache when we push ourselves into the unfamiliar. But with time to reflect, rest, and recover, we become stronger and more able to face the unexpected challenges that lie ahead.